| I must be worthless as shit |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|02:03 am] |
So tell me why I don’t matter and I’ll tell you why I think I don’t
People make plans and cancel
People never seem to have time to chill
People decide to all hang out but “forget” to ever invite me but then tell me the next day I could have gone out with them if I wanted
But when people want info on parties I know about or when Wednesday comes and I got people asking for free passes out the wazo then I’m mister popularity.
You all wonder why I flirt so much. It seems a persona that keeps me safe. I open up I get hurt I show I’m human I get hurt. I flirt and play the role I get to stay fake happy.
I’m sick of empty plans. I’m sick of empty offers of plans. I’m sick of people saying they wanna know the real me and forgetting I’m here.
So don’t comment or write to me saying sorry unless you fucking mean it I don’t want need pity I just need dead weight fuckers to shove off I got enough in my life making me miserable right now I don’t need more.
And for those of you who are thinking I understand what he means haven’t met one yet that did.
And for the person sitting here thinking he’s writing this cause of me well don’t worry if you are one of the people I’m writing this about you got 30 people who are right with you. And that’s just the people I can think of while I right. |
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| Stolen from JenetWeis69 |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|03:43 am] |
YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS::
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
__________________________________________________
No matter how random, revealing, rude, naughty or pointless
__________________________________________________
I promise to answer them 100% truthfully
__________________________________________________
[[[Repost this to see what others ask you...]]]
__________________________________________________
IF YOU DONT THEN YOU'RE SCARED OF WHAT PEOPLE MAY ASK YOU |
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| Had to do it love you Kerry :) |
[Sep. 24th, 2005|02:34 am] |
| Your Blog Should Be Purple | 
You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.
You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.
You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say. |
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| And cause I'm on a roll :) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|12:53 am] |
High elf: You're what most people think of when
they think "elf" but you're just not
THAT simple. You're taller than most elves,
but not by much, you are thin as a river reed
you're known for your light skin, bright eyes,
and flooring beauty. You are gifted in music
and the arts and have real appreciation for
beauty, even in everyday things.
Which Elven Race are you?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| this one's closer :) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|12:33 am] |
A RED Dragon Lies Beneath!
My inner dragon is the most vile and crafty of all dragons. Remember Smaug? He was a red dragon, just like me! And just in case that's not cool enough for you, reds are Fire Elemental dragons, too. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.
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| oook kinda strange but ok :) |
[Oct. 5th, 2004|12:26 am] |
 You are the most universal mythical beast ever. Sightings of the unicorn have been reported from all over the world, even in modern times. Unicorns are pure and incorruptible. In China, unicorns symbolized gentleness, good will, and wisdom. Christianity links the unicorn with Christ. It is said that unicorns would only allow virgin girls to see them, let alone touch them. They were easily lured into fatal ambushes by a virgin with some poachers waiting for the unicorn in nearby bushes. A unicorn's horn was a highly prized possession, which was reputed to have great healing capabilities. With the touch of its horn, a unicorn could bring back a person who had been dead for several hours. But when separated from the unicorn's body, the magic was significantly reduced. The unicorn had the body of a horse, a unique spiraling horn, and a lion's tail. They were pure white in color.
What mythical beast best represents you? Take the quiz! |
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| Passage of time |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|11:41 pm] |
(first segment to Disturbed's song The Game)
Anger hatred betrayal
Negotiate emotions destroying me and leading me to want to end
End feeling and end emotions
I though i was dead the angel had left my sky's and i was without faith
how do i pass this phase how do I learn to feel again how do I find my center and live again.
(second segment with no music)
Ah piece quiet relaxation
I feel no pain now
Life feels blank and ready to start over again this time leads me to thinking a healthy recovery.
Wait Whats this I am empty I'm not ready to move on I'm void off all feelings it feels frighteningly good it almost feels comfortable.
Should I stay here can I stay here why stay here.
Because in this place the angel doesn't exist.
(third and final part to Evanecence's My Immortal)
Pain loss sadness
i loss all i love all i need and everything i crave for.
Those things i desire flow from me like blood from the river stixx.
I can't hold happiness love or companionship then what am i supposed to hold.
Or are these emotions healthy will they make me start to grow............
I have one thing back though - Faith
The angel might be gone but the skys won't be empty for ever will they :)
they can't stay empty can they :|
they are going to be empty forever aren't they :(
what will happen to me then ? |
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| I'm sorry |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|07:04 am] |
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You know those times when I saw you with another person whiping them or playing with them or the time you flashed everybody at poetry. Well I never told you the thought going through my head was pride. Cause everyone of them wanted you and desired your body. Yet I knew your body mind and soul. You were truly wiser then me more often then I gave you credit for and for that I'm sorry.
You know medical your the person I trust with my life. You know the BdSm scene better then me heck your even the person I go to to talk about bissness and grant stuff. Nevermind the tricks you've tought me over the years with a computer. your truly an amazing mind. and a capable heart.
But now how do I fix it ? Have I bruised your soul to the point that it would make any physical bruise look weak? I don't know what to put on it if I have. If it were a physical bruise I'd get you ice and a towel and sit with you till you felt better. But I don't know what "ice" to use and you seem to not want me there. I can't seem to make you better and I can't seem to even find my sanity anymore. In loosing you I lost the only part of me I seemed to like cause whats left doesn't seem to matter. They say let a bird go and if it comes back and yadadada but letting go is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I'm not sure I'm strong enuff. ......................................................................................
Don't let me go please........................ |
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| Times of wondering why and condering North Dakota |
[Feb. 3rd, 2004|04:39 am] |
Well here we go I guess I'm going to keep track of my thoughts and feelings. So that means figuring them out the problem with it is I can't, tomuch melodrama but thats a diffrent story. As for life I'm back at Wendy's and still trying to find something better.
One thing thats been fun is Hell on wednesdays it's picking up and starting to take off.
Well no clue what to write now so I guess this will have to do for now. See you all later.
Alan |
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